Funny Song Lyrics

Here are a few funny lines I have come across. What are your favorites?


 Little Milton:

“If I don’t love you baby, grits ain’t groceries, eggs ain’t poultry, and Mona Lisa was a man”


Antsy McClain and Trailer Park Troubadours describing an attractive trailer park female:  “She had a tube top full of every schoolboy’s dreams”.  Uncle Ledford, the trailer salesman to the young couple:  “It ain’t home till you take the wheels off, it ain’t home till its up on blocks”.


Seasick Steve, the freight train hopper and bluesman, about life:

“I started out with nothing and I’ve still got most of it left”


Unknown blues singer describing the First Rule of Landlord/Tenant relations:

 “cash talks, bull---- walks”


Line in a song about an “ugly” woman:

 “they”ll never leave you, and if they do you won’t mind”


Double entendre line from Shake Rattle and Roll:  “A one-eyed cat peepin’ in a seafood store”


Butch Hancock, talking about a temperamental Latin gal:

 “They say that Spanish is a loving tongue-but she never spoke Spanish to me”


Perhaps the most famous blues song line:

“If the river was whiskey and I was a duck, I’d dive to the bottom and never come up”


One that many of us have heard:

“I’m not broken, but I am badly bent”


From Little Temple song about eating chicken:

“She come stewing me up the last part that goes over the fence. I knew she was acting funny but I didn’t catch the hint.  I ate the wrong part ….I ate the wrong part”


Hayes Carll had a very sacrilegious song on the TROUBLE IN MIND CD.  See if you can find it.


Boogie piano man Rev. Billy C. Wirtz has a lot of pun-filled songs.  Try “FEMALE PROBLEMS” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdyffrZxGP4


Rev. Wirtz on getting old:  “it now takes me all night to do what I used to do all night”


Bluesman Black Joe Louis, when asked why he was at front door of the Mustang Ranch:

“I just wanna get my..my..my ham glazed”


For bands with funny song titles try the Trailer Park Troubadours (DOUBLE WIDE AND DANGEROUS), Rev. Billy C. Wirtz, trailer trash rockers Southern Culture on the Skids (many videos of folks from audience on stage doing CAMEL WALK and then helping pass out fried chicken (EIGHT PIECE BOX) or banana pudding (song of same name). 


Let's hear your favorites?

I think Rhett Miller and The Old 97's are the kings of funny lyrics to a point where you can't help but sing along every time.

From "Niteclub"

Telephones make strangers out of lovers,
Whiskey makes the strangers all look good.
Well my angel of the morning is in mourning.
My life was misspent, don't let me be misunderstood.


From "Barrier Reef"

So I sidled up beside her, settled down and shouted, "Hi there."
"My name's Stewart Ransom Miller, I'm a serial lady-killer."
She said, "I'm already dead," that's exactly what she said.


From "Victoria"

This is the story of Victoria Lee,
She started off on Percodan and ended up with me.
She lived in Berkeley 'til the earthquake shook her loose.
She  lives in Texas now where nothin' ever moves.


I'm a little late to the Reverend Horton Heat party.  Here are some of the bizarre but creative lyrics from a couple of my favorite songs


Rockabilly guys like hot rod cars. They like hot women and their neighborhood bar. Death metal guys will grow long hair. Work real hard to have an evil stare. They're kind of medieval, those death metal guys

Jerry Lee Lewis shot his bass player down. Down to the  ground with a .38 round. But death metal guys would have eaten his brains. And people call Jerry Lee Lewis insane

Rockabilly guys like rockabilly chicks. Death metal guys think they're all country hicks. But death metal guys still live with their mom. On the Internet learning how to embalm. So they go kill a dog, those death metal guys

It's really kind of hard to live in harmony. Hot rod cars and blasphemy. Hair in your face or hair way up high. I'm a rockabilly cat, not a death metal guy



Please don't take the baby to the liquor store. It's not the kind of bottle he's been cryin' for. Take our milk money and walk right out the door. But please don't take the baby to the liquor store

Don't need tequila candy with the worm inside. It's hard for him to swallow, as well as our pride. His dirty feet might dangle like it's some fun ride. But it's not a grocery basket when there's booze inside

I searched our dusty pantry for some old saltines. The kids say they are hungry and I know what they mean. A jar of party olives and some grenadine. Can't satisfy their hunger like those pork and beans

Don't store the whiskey bottles on the lowest lying shelves. Easily accessible to tiny little elves. Neighbors start to gossip when our  children start to play. Crown Royal bags aren't mittens on a cold winter's  day



If you like ugly women truck drivin' songs, "Big Ol' Ugly Wheels by the Beat Farmers is great!  "...She wants me to be true to her,  she comes home once a month, ..her mustache caked with vomit, and  teeth marks on her butt!"


Some faves from They Might Be Giants:

"If it wasn't for disappointment, I wouldn't have any appointments"

~ "Snowball in Hell"

"[it's] Beneath my dignity to flip off the guy when he pulls up alongside to say my gas cap is unscrewed"

~ "Can't Keep Johnny Down"

Tim Carroll and his old band the Blue Chieftains in Punk Rockin Honky Tonk Girl - "I used to have a car same color as her hair.....and I used to wax it up with the kind of clothes she wear"

Tim Carroll deadpans in his ode to Southern speed traps "Elmwood" - "There's nothing you can say to help when I hear my old radar yelp.....the speed limit is 40 in Elmwood" 

The Modern Lovers in "Pablo Picasso" - " Oh well be not schmuck, be not obnoxious.....Be not bellbottom bummer or a**hole....Remember the story of Pablo Picasso....He could walk down your street and girls could not resist his stare
Pablo Picasso was never called an a**hole"

And of course the Ramones in "Teenage Lobotomy" - "Now I guess I have to tell 'em that I got no cerebellum"

For great song titles - Mental As Anything - "If you leave me, can I come too?"

Blott0 - "My Baby's the Star of a Driver's Ed Movie" 

Song titles say it all:

How can I miss you when you won't go away? - Dan Hicks

You're the reason our kids are ugly! - Loretta Lynn

Lyle Lovett at his wedding:

 “The preacher asked her
And she said I do
The preacher asked me
And she said yes he does too
And the preacher said
I pronounce you 99 to life
Son she's no lady she's your wife”


Bluesman Jimmy Thackery has his priorities:  “I’m gonna sell the bitch’s car, I’m gonna buy a cool guitar”


The classic New Orleans song CABBAGE HEAD (try Dr. John version) is about the infamous back door man and has many great lines.


Delbert McClinton:  If you turn a man into a monkey, the monkey’s going to monkey around”


In the blues field Little Charlie and the Nightcats were known for their double entendre songs: THINKING WITH THE WRONG HEAD, MY NEXT EX-WIFE, CAN’T KEEP IT UP, NEVER TRUST A WOMAN.


From PREACHING BLUES:  “I want to be a Baptist preacher so I don’t have to work”.


Chris Gaffney:  “Don’t let love tear apart what lust has brought together”


Tom Waits- "Frank's Wild Years"  Screamin' Jay Hawkins- "Alligator Wine"

Bobby Bare: "Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life"   Mojo Nixon- "Debbie Gibson is pregnant with my two-headed lovechild"  Country Dick Montana- "Are you drinkin' with me Jesus?..won't you buy a friend a beer!"

John Prine: "I got rug burns on my elbows-she's got'em on her knees, I'm going steady with Iron Ore Betty-she's going steady with me"

"When I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself." -- George Thorogood


"I never said I would be honest, at least I told you no lies." -- David Olney


"The devil made me do it the first time, the second time I did it on my own." -- Billy Joe Shaver


Bobby Bare - Lullabies , Legends and Lies (Sings the Songs Of Shel Silverstein)

The full album basically , funny and brilliant in equal measure.

John Prine: A bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down...and won!

Merle Haggard:  "You ain't never gonna be no Bobby McGee, but you're tryin' to"

(from Red Bandana)

Everybody knows you've been discreet

But there were so many people you just had to meet

Without your clothes

And Everybody knows.   - Leonard Cohen from "Everybody Knows"


Thought I saw an eagle

But it might have been a vulture,

I never could decide      - Leonard Cohen from "Story of Isaac"

Another Willie Nelson line from "I'd Have To Be Crazy":  "And I may not be normal, But nobody is"

Goodness, where to start? Great topic!

"When will we die? Nobody knows. I'm comin' over to do a little dosey-doe." -- The Mother Truckers

"She untied my boots, she untied my jeans, she untied my tubes I had tied in my teens." – Country Dick Montana of the Beat Farmers

"I like water, I like air, I like space but not to share." Robbie Fulks

"Say girl you're hotter than the hinges hangin' off the gates of hell." Todd Snider

"Roll me up and smoke me when I die." Willie Nelson

And here's a few more: http://www.nodepression.com/profiles/blogs/why-country-is-funnier-t...