Yes, I’ve spent years getting my ass kicked in the pit, but I’m a total top-40, commercial dork and sell-out loser when it comes to music. My secret is out. Why are you even reading this?
I think it’s time I stop living a lie. Despite years of listening to all the right musical hipsters, rock gods, country and blues legends and spending hours in dive bars discovering — and supporting — unknown bands, I am nothing more than a poser.
That’s right. All these years I have been hiding a deep, dark secret — I actually like some commercial music. Y’all caught me red-handed with a post about Taylor Swift, who has some nice little songs I like at the moment.
So let’s just get it all out on the table right now, shall we, with some of my other guilty pleasures.
I’m a child of the 80s, so cheesy hair bands? Oh yeah, I’m so there. Motley Crue…awesome. The “Dr. Feelgood” album is a favorite. Gimme some Whitesnake, Tawny Kitaen era too, I love that shit. Throw in a little Ratt and Quiet Riot, while we’re at it. Give me some big hair Bon Jovi — I still love that “Runaway” song. And some fashionable bands like Duran Duran, INXS…and let’s not forget “Lovin’, Touchin’ Squeezin'” by Journey. Ooo-wee, that’s a good one. I love Guns ‘N Roses, Tom Jones and Doris Day, too. Yes, I like a few Taylor Swift songs just for some fun listening, and that big hit of Lady Antebellum’s gets in my head sometimes, or Trace Adkins “Honky Tonk Badonk.” Hell, yeah. That Miranda Lambert is kinda sassy, too. And thank god for “The Voice” or I would have never discovered that hottie Adam Levine — you know, that “Harder to Breathe” song of his is kinda catchy. I even, like, turn the volume on and everything when I watch that video.
So forget I grew up with Elvis and Johnny Cash and Hank Williams and Waylon Jennings and Loretta Lynn. Forget my love of Neil Young and Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones and Janis Joplin and Patti Smith and Stevie Wonder. Forget my love of Etta James, Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, Koko Taylor, Howlin’ Wolf, The Smithereens, The Gun Club, Concrete Blonde, Lone Justice, Joy Division, Violent Femmes. Disregard my love of Tom Waits, Nick Cave, PJ Harvey, Hole, L7, 7 Year Bitch, Social Distortion. I love Southern Culture on the Skids and Nico Vega and Buddy and Julie Miller and Ralph Stanley and John Hiatt and Levon Helm. Oh hey, that little Over the Rhine band I just discovered seems pretty cool, too. Devil Doll, Mad Sin, Koffin Kats and all the countless psychobilly/rockabilly and punk bands most have never heard of that I go out and see them live, shoot photos and buy their cds to help them earn the money to get to their next gig. Or feed them and let them crash on my floor because they can’t afford hotels.
I’m like a hopeless junkie addicted to it all and can’t help but listen to the stuff that’s bad for me as well as the cool kids. I have no musical taste and am a complete poser. So there you have it. Sue me.
