The Wig He Made Her Wear may well be the quintessential Patterson Hood song. Musically, it’s a bit different than most of his stuff, but the story and the way he tells it sums who Patterson is as a writer perfectly. It’s modern day Southern Gothic at its best.
It’s the kind of song that makes me want to run up to people on the street, grab them by the shoulders and shake them so furiously it causes a reverse seizure, and then put a wooden spoon on their tongue and gently stroke their hair as I explain to them how amazing the track is.
But as usual, the lyrics themselves say far more than I could, so here they are:
It was as open and shut as anything I have seen
He was a pillar of town his reputation was clean
It was right before Easter in the first week of spring
He didn’t show up for service that Wednesday night
The congregation knew something weren’t right
Blood on the bed when they opened the door
The preacher was dead on the bedroom floor
Everyone knew there had to be some outside thing that made this happen
Because they seemed like the perfect family
He’d been shot in the back, a day before he was found
His wife and three kids were nowhere around
An Amber Alert was issued in town
Everyone was shocked at the scene of the crime
She’d taken the kids across two state lines
Found her in Orange Beach with the kids in the car
Sent back to Selmer to await her trial for first-degree murder
Was she crazy or just plain old mean to have gone and done it?
She said she heard the bang and was afraid he’d be mad and made a run for it
Said, they were having a fight and the gun was a bluff
She didn’t pull the trigger it just went off
Said that he berated her about everything
Make her do things that made her feel so ashamed
Nobody at church would ever suspect
Made her dress up slutty before they had sex
In the courtroom that day there was an audible gasp
What they put up on display the locals couldn’t quite grasp
There was an audible gasp in the courtroom that day
When the defense pulled out and displayed
Them high-heeled shoes and that wig he made her wear
Reduced her charge to voluntary manslaughter
And I ain’t judging either way but she’s already out of jail
And it was them high-heeled shoes and that wig he made her wear
And if for some inexcusable reason, you still don’t have the album, get it here, otherwise I’m gonna come shake you like a drunken, abusive, asshole father who just found out you got kicked off the football team for sucking off the quarterback.
