SPOTLIGHT: Rainbow Girls Offer Their Time-Tested Tour Hacks

EDITOR’S NOTE: Rainbow Girls are No Depression’s Spotlight artist for December 2023. Learn more about them and their new album, Welcome to Whatever, in our interview. And watch them perform “Bedroom Lobby” just for ND readers here.

Hello, No Depression. This is Caitlin and Erin from Rainbow Girls, comin’ atcha hot from the dead of winter to bring you some wise(?) words and tour tips from our kitchen table.

SECRET TRUNK TEQUILA

Sometimes you are the headliner and the venue will hand you a whole bottle of tequila, two bags of chips, and the key to the city. Sometimes you are the opener and you are placed lovingly in a dark closet with a broken lock and an unplugged refrigerator that smells like forgotten ham. We are often the opener, and this means that we gotta bring our own tequila and smuggle it in through our bras. Just kidding, none of us wear bras. Bring your own Trunk Tequila and spend the money you would’ve otherwise spent on drinks, on 401(k)s that every musician *definitely* has and I definitely know what that is.

MOTEL 6

Though you might be tempted by a luxurious stay at the local HoJo (Howard Johnson) or the silky, glasslike feel of a Best Western, Motel 6’s are actually the way to go. They allow you to back that ass up straight to the first-floor hotel room door and unload all your shit without dragging everything up the stairs like a buncha noobs. Let’s face it, you’re there for 5 hours, you’re not going to use the gym or eat the continental breakfast, you lazy idiot. You’re just there to sleep, shower, continue to carry the same apple you’ve been carrying around for a week and not eating, and hit the road again earlier than god ever intended.

LOCAL HAUNTS

If you’re lucky enough to be in a city for more than one night, you will probably end up walking around trying to find the coolest hang in town on your off night. You will not find it on your own because you just got there and you don’t know anything. You are like a baby at a racetrack. You will end up at some sports bar wishing you had eaten when everyone else did earlier. The key to finding the haunts in a totally new place is to suss out who is nice and cool and then be cool and nice back to them. This tactic works for most situations in life, but in this case, you will probably be in contact with some sort of barista or bartender. If they have tattoos it is better. Avoid anyone with normal hair, they will not know anything. Ask them where you should go to “have a righteous evening” and then wink in a nonthreatening, platonic way. Good luck.

UNO PARTIES!

You may remember UNO from childhood. The game made of colorful cards where not even a single piece is shaped like a dog. But blah blah something something, UNO is fun. If you pull out UNO at an afterparty or midnight pizza cabaret, play at top speeds with fun strangers you just met, and make up rules ( such as: anytime someone pulls an odd red card they have to hump the floor), I promise you too can Have A Good Time in buttfuck nowhere.

PORTABLE SPEAKER

Every band should invest in a small portable speaker. If you’re in a van, the day will probably come when the sound system stops working or the CD of a band you played with once gets stuck in the car stereo forever (you couldn’t throw it away because they worked so hard on it, so you put it in and it was awful like you knew it would be). Anyway, having a portable speaker solves that problem. It also means you can practice harmonies in the van when the car is off, or listen to music in the green room with other bands and Have A Good Time.

BE A SOCK PRINCESS

Everyone handles bringing socks on tour differently. Do you want to be a dirty sock thief who washes your single sock in a gas station bathroom and hangs it out the van window to dry, or a beautiful sock princess, the envy of the whole town? If you want to never run out of clean socks and never feel like you have to do laundry ever again in your life, follow this equation: Number of days you are on tour / 2. This is the number of pairs you will bring (plus one extra pair in case you drunkenly fall in a river or misjudge a gutter puddle). You will wear each pair twice, but not in a row: Cycle them so that the ones you’ve already worn have time to sit and lose smell before you wear them again. Put them in a paper bag at night outside of wherever you are staying to make sure they can aerate properly. If you are in a campground, make sure you hang this bag from a tree so bears don’t steal and wear them.

QUICK POINTS (FOR FUN)

• Drape Mexican blankets over the van bench seats – they decorate the space and make it feel like “home.” They also keep you warm when your vents blast AC no matter what, especially when driving over snowy mountains in February.

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  Trollene (courtesy of Rainbow Girls)

  On very long drives, watch scary movies in the back and yell loudly so the person driving knows you’re still there.

• Make sure to leave at least one bandmate at a gas station when they pee too slowly, to Teach Them A Lesson.

• Don’t drop a chonkin’ deuce in the green room bathroom before the show. That’s just basic etiquette. (Lookin at you, Ben.)

• Get a small, jewel-bellied troll doll. Name her Trollene and put her on your dash. Her effortless smile will bring you joy in your darkest depths.

Signing off,
XOXO
Gossip Rainbow Girls